Reclaiming Identity After Postpartum Survival Mode

Leticia Francis Author

Postpartum truth, lost identity, and a creative comeback—Alli’s path from survival to purpose through care, boundaries, and a work life that fits.

You can have a beautiful life on paper and still feel broken on the inside. Alli did.

She married her best friend at 20, became a pediatric child life specialist, and welcomed two babies 19 months apart. From the outside it was tender and tidy; on the inside, silence felt safer than speaking. A doctor flagged borderline postpartum depression at six weeks. Pride said, “I’m fine.” A month later, a bowl of spilled soup shattered her composure—and finally cracked the door to help.

This episode of Survival Mode Disrupted is a love letter to every mother who’s ever looked at her breathtaking life and wondered, Why don’t I feel like me anymore? Alli takes us from postpartum depression and identity loss to a creative, service-filled business that puts her back in her body, her marriage, and her joy.

Below is her arc through the three phases of exiting survival mode we use on the show—Self-Awareness, Reprogramming, Reinvention—plus simple practices you can borrow today.

Phase 1 — Self-Awareness: Naming the Season You’re In

The moment that told the truth:
Not a dramatic diagnosis, but soup on a floor. The flood of grief and overwhelm revealed what the questionnaires had hinted at: this is bigger than tired. Then came another hard truth at dinner: when her husband gently asked, “What makes you happy?” Alli couldn’t answer.

What awareness sounded like for Ali

• “Silence feels safer than speaking.” (Conversation kept turning into conflict, not from anger—just exhaustion.)

• “I feel trapped, not thrilled.” (Bonding wasn’t automatic with baby #2, which deepened shame.)

• “I can’t turn off worst-case scenarios.” (Front-row proximity to pediatric trauma made baseline anxiety her new normal.)

• “I don’t know who I am outside wife/mom/worker.”

Awareness practices to try

• Signals check: List your top three “this isn’t me” signals (e.g., withdrawing from conversation, flat joy, hypervigilance). Put that list on your phone.

• Happiness map: Answer What made pre-kids me feel alive? What makes present-me even a little bright? Don’t force big answers. One spark is enough.

• Name the season: I’m in a postpartum season. I’m not broken; I’m changing. Language softens shame and opens the door to support.

Phase 2 — Reprogramming: Giving Your Body Proof, Not Pep Talks

Awareness cleared the fog enough for action. Alli reached back out to her doctor, began therapy, adjusted sleep where possible, and—this is key—made environmental changes so her nervous system could stand down.

What reprogramming looked like

• Medical + mental health care: Honest conversation with her OB, medication support, therapy, and targeted sleep hygiene.

• Nervous-system boundaries: Recognizing the pediatric ER was now costing more than it gave, she stepped away. (Courage is often a boundary in disguise.)

• Micro-care without guilt: Showers during gym daycare, 30-minute naps behind a closed door, eating her lunch first. (Meeting basic needs is not selfish; it’s safety.)

• Creative rehab: A no-pressure podcast with a friend woke up dormant parts—designing covers, writing captions, building a simple site. The body read creativity as oxygen.

Reprogramming practices to try

• Two-minute anchor: Hand on heart, inhale 4, exhale 8 (x4). Say: “I am safe enough to pause.”

• Input audit: Track for one week what ramps you up (news, certain chats, clinical cases) and what settles you (fresh air, light admin, short walks). Swap one daily input.

• Care minimums: Shower, protein + fiber at lunch, 10 minutes outside, one honest text. Check three boxes a day—especially on messy days.

• Permission phrases:

  • “My kids are okay for 10 minutes while I eat hot food.”

  • “I can be grateful for my life and still need help.”

  • “Bonding can be built, not just felt.”

Phase 3 — Reinvention: Building a Life That Fits the You You Found

Creativity led to curiosity. Curiosity led to competence. Alli discovered ads management—a career she didn’t know existed—that fused her love of strategy, design, service, flexibility, and community. It lit up the same “helping” center that child life once did, without re-traumatizing her nervous system. From there, purpose and identity began to regrow.

What reinvention became

• Work that regulates: Purpose-driven, remote, creative, relational—without the constant alarms of the ER.

• A clearer self: “I’m an individual. I can meet my needs. I can contribute. I can create.”

• Prepared for next time: With baby #3, she had tools and a plan; thriving didn’t require white-knuckling.

Reinvention practices to try

• Identity statements (present tense):

  • I’m a woman who protects her peace and her purpose.

  • I’m a mom who eats and showers—and that makes me a better mom.

  • I’m a creator; small projects count.

• Purpose pilot: Choose a 30-day “spark project” (newsletter, micro-garden, photo series, simple website). Completion over perfection.

• Support script: “I’m feeling underwater. Here’s how you can help: take bedtime tonight, 30 minutes for a nap tomorrow, and please handle dinner Thursday.” Specifics invite success.

If You’re There Right Now

• You can love your family and still feel lost in your own skin.

• Survival mode is not failure—it’s a signal.

• Help is not a verdict; it’s a bridge.

• One spark is enough to start.

Ask yourself Ali’s question tonight: What makes me come alive? Circle the smallest answer—and begin there.

You weren’t built to break. And you weren’t built to only survive.

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